Alice Finding Wonderland
by IndigoStarshine
Summary: Alice is a girl in the body of a boy and sometimes strange things happen when she's upset or afraid. Being different doesn't help when the Dursleys are your relatives. A transgendered Harry story.
1. The Girl Under the Stairs

As soon as she could hear her Uncle's heavy footsteps on the stairs, Alice quickly threw her barbie dolls under her bed. That was one advantage to having the closet under the stairs as her room; she could hear him coming at night.

She lay in her bed and pretended to sleep, although it was hard as her heart was pounding fast and she was finding it difficult to slow her breathing. When her Uncle opened the door, she tried her best to look sound asleep.

"Bloody hell, I hope you haven't been doing anything weird again," Uncle Vernon whispered angrily, he didn't want to his wife or son to be woken up.

"No, Uncle" She stammered, "I haven't."

Her Uncle pointed a stern finger, "Dudley heard you talking down here again and I thought you might be playing with inappropriate toys again."

Alice said nothing. She knew this wasn't going to end well.

"How many times have we told you that you are a boy? Not a girl."

Uncle Vernon then slapped her. Alice was use to pain and had grown use to ignoring it.

"I can't believe my sister-in-law could leave us with a freak of a nephew. A freak in more way than one."

She held back tears. Those words really did hurt but crying in front of Uncle Vernon would result in further punishment.

"What's this?" Uncle Vernon exclaimed and pointed under her bed, "That, under your bed."

Uncle Vernon reached under her bed and brought out her dolls.

"Barbies?" He said angrily, "How the hell did you manage to get those?"

"M-m-m-m-Mary Simpson said I could borrow them. She thought I would like them."

"Did she now? Well, let's see what she thinks after her perfect barbie is snapped."

He ripped the head off the barbie and threw it to the floor. Alice was devastated. She reached down to pick up the pieces of the doll and as a result, she was pushed back into her room under the stairs. The door was slammed behind her. She could hear her uncle locking the cupboard door; she would be left in the dark for hours. It would be a long time before she would fall asleep.

For as long as Alice could remember she was a girl, not that she thought she was a girl but really was one. As she grew older she realised that something wasn't right about this, she was physically a boy. But there didn't seem to be any way that she could change that. Despite her protests, her Aunt and Uncle wouldn't allow her to grow her hair longer or to wear the clothes that she liked. They didn't like her playing with the other girls or liking dolls and dancing. Her cousin Dudley teased her relentlessly about it, calling her 'freak', 'gay' or 'faggot'. Sometimes his friends joined in and they would try to catch Alice to use her as a punching bag.

She liked the name Alice, as in 'Alice in Wonderland'. She figured that a girl should have a pretty sounding name. There was nothing really wrong with the name Harry, other than it was a boy's name and it didn't suit her. So she called herself Alice and introduced herself as Alice to other kids.

However, this didn't go undetected by adults. Her teacher (and Dudley's) pointed this out at the latest parent-teacher conference. After commenting that Dudley was disruptive in class, performing poorly and had a tendency to bully other children, Mrs Reynolds began to talk about her.

She recalled what Mrs Reynolds said, "Harry is a does well academically and is close friends with Emma and Mary. I think your nephew maybe transgender. He - she seems to have more typically feminine interests and prefers to be called 'Alice' in the company of friends."

Mrs Reynolds was a nice woman but she was wrong to assume that her aunt and uncle would be nice people too. Alice didn't know what 'transgender' meant, but from her aunt and uncle's reaction she assumed it was something bad.

"We're thinking of getting our nephew therapy," Aunt Petunia said while shaking her head. That was all that they had said about it.

However, that had been last year and Alice had not seen a so-called therapist. It was probably too much money to have a therapist. Her aunt and uncle often complained about money. That didn't matter to Dudley; he still received anything he wanted.

When Alice woke up the next morning, she would find that the doll would be fixed. Sometimes strange things happened when she was happy or upset. Like the time Aunt Petunia tried to feed her Brussel sprouts and they all vanished on her plate or that time she was running from Dudley and she closed her eyes to find herself safely back in her room. She didn't know why these strange things happened, but she didn't know why she was in the body of a boy either.

She would have to learn to suppress the feelings and strange abilities she had. It was not what the Dursleys would consider normal or even allowable.


	2. Coming Out

Harry woke with a groan. Another morning. As usual she waited for either Ron or Hermione to try to get her out of bed. Usually they did not bother on weekends, but today was different. It was the weekend before the Yule Ball and Harry would be perfectly happy to take on ten Hungarian Horntails rather than having to deal with the dance. Knowing that she hadn't asked anyone, Professor McGonagall had assigned Hermione to help her find a dancing partner. Right now she relished lying undisturbed, not having to bother with life.

"_Mr Potter, is it really that difficult to ask a girl to the dance? I'm sure she won't bite your head off. It's only a few days before the dance and you still haven't asked anyone. I know you are quite shy, but this is becoming a joke. If you weren't a Hogwarts champion you wouldn't have to go to the ball – you could even take another boy if you wanted to – but it will look bad if you don't bring a girl. It doesn't have to be a girl you're interested in. It's what is expected of you."_

Recalling what McGonagall had said made him bury his face further into his pillow. She acted as if Harry wanted to be a Hogwarts champion, as if she put her name into the goblet. It wasn't fair.

It was the last sentence that really stung: _"It's what is expected of you."_

The words were suffocating. For as long as he had been at Hogwarts, she had been_ expected_ to be 'the boy who lived' that the wizarding world had wanted. It was just the same as when the Dursleys _expected_ her to like trucks instead of dolls. At this present time, she was _expected _to dance with a girl at the Yule ball as a young man.

Only she wasn't really a young man. She was a fourteen year old girl. She had long since accepted that she was technically Harry and not Alice but it didn't change what she was on the inside. Having to live as something he wasn't had been eating him up from the inside.

It was only a matter of time before Hermione came in.

"Harry, wake up."

She groaned and rolled over so that she was facing Hermione. "Later."

Hermione sat on the side of her bed, "You have to go to the Yule ball. I've already asked Parvati and Padma to be you and Ron's dancing partners. All we need to decide on is what robes you want to wear. You promised that you wouldn't be difficult."

"Five more minutes. Please."

Hermione was losing her patience, "Stop acting like a child. It's twelve in the afternoon."

"I'd rather battle ten Hungarian Horntails again rather than go to the dance. Can we catch up on our charms homework then select robes after lunch?"

"Harry, I know this is not something you want to do and I honestly don't enjoy forcing you to do things. So please tell me what is wrong. We're best friends, you can tell me anything."

Harry sat up. Then quickly grabbed his wand and with a swish, the door slammed shut.

"Ok," Harry hesitated for a moment, "I'm a girl."

Harry expected her to laugh but all Hermione did was blink "What?"

"I'm a really girl."

"So you were transfigured as a child into being a boy."

"No, I'm meant to be a girl but I was born a boy."

Hermione's eyes widened and she leant forward to give Harry a hug. She laughed in a comforting way, not in the harsh way that people had done when she was a child.

"Here I was thinking you were bi or gay. There's nothing wrong with being transgender."

Harry felt a huge wave of relief flow over her. It was good that the secret she had been keeping for so long was out. With everything that was going on, such as the Triwizard Tournament, it was one less thing to worry about. She was glad that she had told Hermione first; out of everyone she knew that Hermione would be the most accepting. Nobody seemed to have any really suspicion, other than many of his peers and teachers believing rumours that he was gay. Snape occasionally came out with snide comments such as "Potter, this isn't time to readjust your make up or file your nails." But Harry assumed that such comments were made about the rumours that he was gay.

"I've read up about the kinds of spells and potions people can use to change gender. I was waiting until after I left Hogwarts to do it because the magic is complex and things might go wrong, but I'm not sure about that anymore. With everything that's been going on, it will be one less thing to worry about."

Hermione nodded, "That's alright."

"So do we still have to go out to buy wizard's robes?"

"No," She said with a smile, "But I do have an idea, one that does involve shopping. The ball will be fun. Trust me. You deserve to have a good time."

"Just another thing," Harry said.

"What's that?"

"I prefer the name Alice."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and support so far. :) I hope my representation is realistic.


	3. The Yule Ball

"You look so beautiful Alice!" Hermione exclaimed when Alice came down the staircase.

"Thank you," Alice said timidly, "I love that beautiful pink satin dress you are wearing. The layering is great."

In the bottle green dress that they had picked out for the Yule Ball, Alice had never felt so at peace with herself. It was a good break from the male Hogwarts uniform that she had been wearing for the last couple of years. She had always felt out of place in men's clothes.

Alice took one last look in the common room mirror. She smiled at the girl with dark hair pulled into a bun that stared back at her. Her green eyes matched her dress perfectly and the emerald jewellery did as well. She had no trouble putting on make-up; she had watched Hogwarts girls do it all the time.

They were sure that nobody else was there in the common room, the ball had started at least twenty-five minutes ago but she and Hermione had planned to make a special entrance. This was a night that wasn't going to be forgotten anytime soon.

Madame Pomfrey gave Alice the details of a Healer from St Mungos who could supply Alice with a Gender Changing potion on a regular basis. The healer told them the potion would last forty-eight hours and that the effects would wear off. The same healer was reluctant to offer Alice a permanent gender change because she was underage, which disappointed Alice.

Apparently, according to the healer, many young people who identified as transgender as children later identified only as homosexuals of their gender as teens and adults. However, this was not Alice. She knew that what she felt wasn't going to change – she had been this way for as long as she could remember.

"Thanks for doing this Hermione," Alice said, "You don't really know how much this all has meant to me."

"It's nothing," Hermione said with a shrug, "Now let's get there, we're already a tad bit late. I don't want to keep Viktor and Neville waiting for too long."

* * *

"Where is Potter?" McGonagall lamented as she searched through the crowds of formally dressed students, of well suited guys and girls in elegant dress. "He should be here by now. He's going to put the school to shame."

Snape smirked, "Maybe Mr Potter plans on making a flamboyant entrance."

"Severus, I really do not appreciate your insensitive jibes at Harry's sexuality - especially tonight. How many times do I need to tell you that?"

"Well, for someone who is not a legilimens," Snape replied, he came closer to Minerva so that only she could hear him, "You are reasonably well enlightened to recognising that sort of thing. But who said I was purely commenting on Potter's sexuality. You and I know that Potter has had crushes on girls as well as guys."

"What exactly are you implying Severus?"

"Potter isn't definitely isn't his father's _son_."

McGonagall walked away, she was too annoyed with Severus to make further comment and began to patrol the nearby grounds for students who were planning to romance each other in ways that were against Hogwarts' rules.

* * *

Hermione and Alice met both Viktor and Neville waiting in the entrance courtyard. Their entrance had already turned a few heads, but people were simply wondering as to whom Alice was more than anything.

"Woah," Neville said with a smile, "You're much prettier as a girl, Harry. You look happier."

She smiled, "Please, call me Alice."

Alice had asked Neville for his hand to the dance for the reason that she knew that he would more likely to be accepting. As Harry, she had once asked Neville if he wanted to go out and was disappointed to be turned down because he wasn't interested in boys, or girls for that matter. But tonight was just a dance and Neville felt the need return the favour of being accepting. He was also the kind of person who would not care what most of their peers thought of them.

Viktor Krum took one look at Alice and raised his eyebrows but did not seem to be too phased by it, "This night is already full of surprises."

Viktor took Hermione's hand and gave it a kiss. Neville just smiled shyly. They made small talk for a few minutes before Ron noticed them. He had managed to ask Parvati Patel last minute.

"Hermione! You didn't tell me you were with Viktor Krum." He said indignantly and then looked at Alice, "Harry? Is that you? What is going on?"

"It's me, Ron." Alice responded.

"But you're not a chick. I'm pretty sure you are a guy, Harry. You've been a guy for as long as I have known you."

Alice frowned; she feared a reaction like this. Especially from someone she considered a friend.

"I'm not. You don't understand, I can explain. I didn't choose to be this way, Ron."

Ron stormed away in his ghastly looking second hand robes, with Parvati still looking at her in an expression of confusion. Alice was disappointed and truly hurt by Ron's reaction but decided not to let it ruin the evening.

It wasn't long before McGonagall called the Triwizard champions to the centre of the hall to start the official dancing. Alice gulped; she hoped that things would not go badly. With Neville by her side, she walked through the crowd.

People were whispering and stepping aside as she passed them. She could gather phrases of some of the things being said in English:

"Is that Potter?" "What the fuck?" "Who is she?" "I always knew Harry was a bit strange." "She's pretty but I don't know who she is."

She decided to ignore them as well. It was understandable that some people didn't understand what she was doing but it was not nice when they were so rude about it.

"Potter?" Professor McGonagall said with a worried look on her face, "What is the meaning of this?"

"You told me I had to attend the Yule Ball," Alice said boldly, "and I am. I'd also rather be known as Alice."

There was a moment of silence among the students and professors, they were not laughing or showing any real approval or disapproval. They just seemed confused for the most part, with the exception of a smirking Malfoy and a few other Slytherins making snide comments. Alice supposed that being the relatively conservative community that the Wizarding community was - they did not know how to deal with people who were different. It wasn't hate but it wasn't acceptance either.

Snape, who was right beside Professor McGonagall, only shrugged and said without a shred of surprise "Potter is still technically the second Hogwarts champion. Whatever gender Potter is or wants to be. The dance can continue."

"No!" Karkaroff said distastefully, "This student is in inappropriate dress. Harry Potter is a young man, not a girl."

"The rules of the tournament do not specify that Young Potter _must_ dress as either a gentleman or lady," Dumbledore said, "The dance can begin."

There were a few nods from other professors including Madame Maxime and Hagrid. As usual, Dumbledore's words became authority.

Before the dance could begin, it was customary for the champions to give each other a polite gesture. Viktor and Hermione smiled at Alice and Neville when they got the chance. Cedric Diggory and Cho Chang also gave her a polite smile. Fleur and her partner gave them polite nods. The ball music started without another word and the four champions began the dance with their partners.

Then the dance began. Within half an hour of dancing with Neville (who was a clumsy dancer but fun to hang around), some boys from Durmstrang offered her their hands. Then other people asked her to dance. Within an hour people didn't care whether she was supposed to be a boy or girl. Overall, it turned out to be a great night for Alice – definitely better than she had expected. Everything had gone fairly well, although not 100% as Alice would have hoped.


End file.
